Havent been writing , quite consciously . Coz have been thinking too much , but then what’s new . Just that instead of penning down my thoughts , i am just pushing them aside to the corners of my mind.
Have been trying to keep myself ‘too busy’ to notice that there are some very important things in my life that i need to sort out.
But I think there ‘s a reason for everything.So if there are important decisions to be taken , then that must have a strong enough reason . And if they are still pending , then maybe that’s how it should be.
Life as it appears now is a little different from how it was when i last wrote. And somehow i felt that documenting a little bit of this phase is quite necessary.
I am talking to some one whom i am supposed to ‘know better’ as a requirement. That’s something i ve never done before. It’s a little awkward to know that two people are talking to each other – each one fully aware of the fact that they have an agenda .
Maybe every word is getting judged , every thought is going through an autopsy. And its like an ‘understanding ‘ or ‘pact’ . so supposedly its completely acceptable. Being judgemental is one thing i cant stand. i ve had bitter experiences that only bruised my self – respect , when i ve dealt with judgemental people . Should i be okay with this arrangement? Do i really have a choice? Is it really so bad?
How can I always look at both the perspectives so objectively. But i think i am doing that.
Maybe this would work out , maybe it wouldnt . Maybe i share this link with you and maybe you read all this some day. Maybe that day is nt too far , maybe it never happens at all.Maybe , its happening right now ( hmm… ). Sometimes I wish we could crystal gaze the future and unravel all the mysteries that it holds.
I am talking a lot , and i am not sure if its making any more sense in black and white than it did when these were just thoughts floating in my head. hmmm…. this surely would take more time than a night.
Like my status says , “I am not confused , I am just well – mixed”