Some how , when we are all caught up figuring out the life – changing things , the little things get lost , un-noticed , left behind , conveniently sidelined …
i guess i ll not try and cover up the remorse that i am feeling right now about those millions of moments that i didnt value enough by talking in a generalist way.
it’s not just this feeling that one gets when one hears about a closed one passing away. Alrite I get. I get it when i hear some one – close relatives ,distant friends, acquaintances – passing away.
about the uncertainty , the unpredictability , the impermanence of it all.
Some one asked me long time back my views on life after death and i nonchalantly replied “I am not too sure about managing life before death , so i am not even thinking about the part beyond it !”
I’ve been thinking since yesterday. seriously.
Surprisingly my answer remains the same if i am asked this question. Managing life before death is almost an all time occupation for me . at work , off work.
So much seems to happen to all the time. I am always working on a 100 pt agenda . More money. Better living. Better stuff to buy . More appreciation. I guess any ‘single working woman’ would have something like that list on her mind most of the time . Just that i am ridiculous enough to supposedly think i am a little more than all those words to define my being. something more coz i am me . Which would make me a little different from the others.
And even if they are those little things that would make me .. me . they matter.
My constant analysis of myself makes me believe that i do . I was told recently that i write with a sense of freedom that’s quite envious.
its amazing to see how this post started off talking abt little things in life that i value – which i some how wanted to list down. But eventually moved on to little things in me that make me , me.
I like drifting away . which isnt the same as digressing . who knows what we are talking about , heading to , doing .. anyways?
I like reading between the lines and yet not get too carried away with the subtlety . And i somehow get those little things which for a lot of people might just be passe. I think , i can talk my way into and out of almost anything on planet. significant or mundane. And i seem to come across as different person to different people. i should be alarmed at the inconsistency of my ‘appearance’ to others. but i enjoy it.
I think i trust too easily . which means heart break . but then i guess i move on easily too . but still taking some thing with me from the ‘whole damn deal’ . which sometimes might mean that i go and revisit those saddening thoughts coz they are there at some corner of my mind. but then i enjoy that too.
I guess this post is becoming a little long winding for my own liking.. and i havent as yet started to talk about this constant fascination with something ‘new’ .