Of Winning and Losing and Finding myself.

It has been an eventful August back there in the second dimension.

For those who are new here , I have a tendency to refer to my personal space and professional life as two dimensions. In this third dimension of ‘exploring a digital identity ‘ I do report back how the other two are treating me and this is one of those posts.

So I won an R&R. One of those recognitions in which you travel along with other winners to some exotic location and are felicitated for whatever little contribution you’ve made based on your merit . So last Monday , I got to know that I won a workplace Recognition for the very first time ever in my entire career of 11 years.

It was so special , putting it down in words will ruin it. Winning ANY recognition at work has been be in my to -do list in life since forever. It’s got something to do with my compulsive disorder of constantly seeking external validation .

After exactly 5 days  of going through something that’s not worth writing about , I withdrew. I opted out. I left that was rightfully mine.  Somehow , whatever way you put it , it doesn’t capture the hurt and sense of loss I felt . Nevertheless, I gained back my respect . Inspite of being left broken I came out of the experience with my pride intact.

Life is strange that ways. It puts you right on the top and brings you down the next second and watches you as you choose to sit up or walk again or do whatever else one can do after landing on one’s back. I got up and I walked away brushing the dust off.

Some people who’ve observed me and the choice I made in the last week called my decision immature. Perhaps it was. We don’t need to be ‘wise’ all the time , do we?

We definitely need to take strong firm decisions though. When some loose ends linger on too long they get entangled. You end up wasting your time and energy and realize you haven’t moved too far . So I chose .

I handed back the mess I was supposed to un-mess that wasn’t my doing in the first place and took a call. A life changing decision .

And that’s what I’d call a win – win.

9 thoughts on “Of Winning and Losing and Finding myself.

  1. I totally understand your sense of needing external validation, I am like that too. I also know that it takes a strong courageous woman to stand up for herself, and you are one hell of a combination of strength, courage and the power to take action. And I have to Applaud you for doing what you did. I wish more women were like you and yes big tight hugs

  2. We all seek external validation at many or most times in our lives and I can totally understand your situation. And it’s great that you took the decision you did with your head and not your heart. Sometimes in life, we all end up having to make decisions which though may seem tough initially end up being important in the long run :).

  3. Love the way you expressed yourself! Yes, there are such situations in everyone’s life. Such situations may or may not be the ones we acted tactfully and came out as a winner BUT these situations do leave a long lasting learning called experience leaving us more strong

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